


Not Asta

by Agent_Zap



Series: Wentworth Miller [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Genderfuck, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 14:45:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1391554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent_Zap/pseuds/Agent_Zap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Pornish Pixie's Genderfuck Challenge. Re-writing Snape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Asta

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making money from this.
> 
> Betas: Keswindhover and Gobi_Rex.
> 
> Why the fuck can’t I add a description of a series?!? Well, here goes.  
> I often thought about putting my oldest fics up here, too, just to keep it all in one archive. Then I’d read them through and think that nobody really needed to see that. (Honestly: it’s not great literature.)  
> But then, last year, Wentworth Miller came out as gay. And his description of how harrowing it had been to be in the closet reminded me very much of a process of self-discovery, acceptance and disclosure that I’d gone through. I got curious and looked him up – found that he’d written one film manuscript; Stoker. I watched the film… And yeah, I knew I had to put these stories up here. That film reminded me so much of my early fics – so full of self-loathing; full of belief that what you want from the depth of your heart makes you a monster. Let’s not forget that we still live in a world where people are made to feel this way by all kinds of normativity. Let’s call this the Wentworth Miller series (even though all the fics are Harry Potter). Not all of these stories are openly dark – but they’re all from the same period. Please read tags carefully.

“YOU WORTHLESS BITCH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? DO YOU THINK I’LL LET YOU SPITE ME LIKE THIS?!?”

“Sir! Your wife is very exhausted! She needs rest. I can tell she must have been in labour for days before you called me!

“DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD STAND FOR THIS???”

“Sir! I insist that you leave this room, now! I must take care of both her and the baby, she’s much too weak.”

“GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE! DON’T YOU TOUCH MY CHILD!”

“Let go of me this instant! Get your hands off of me …Umph!”

“OBLIVIATE! …And stay away.”

“… waah… waah…”

“Look at you…”

“… waah… aah…”

“As pathetic as your mother, are you?”

“… waah…”

“Come here… It doesn’t have to be that way. I’ll take care of that. I’ll take care of you. I’ll teach you to be strong. You are my son… my son. I’m so proud of you. Yes, my Severus.”

 

oooooooooooooo

 

”I WILL NOT!”

“Now calm down, young man, this is ridiculous, it’s only water!”

“I’M NOT DOING IT! I’M PERFECTLY CLEAN!”

“You may be extraordinarily adept at _scourgify_ , boy, but everybody needs a proper washing sometimes. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. On the contrary, you wouldn’t like your friends to start talking about how dirty and smelly you are, would you?”

“I’M NOT DOING IT! LET ME GO!”

“Put that wand down immediately! What on earth has got into you? Now listen carefully, if you do not go back into that shower room right now and actually take a shower with the rest of the team, you can consider yourself taken off! Is that what you want?!”

“I DON’T CARE! I HATE QUIDDITCH! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”

“Stop right there. Stop! Wait! …Oh, Merlin, what on earth are we going to do about you?”

 

ooooooooooo

 

“Who wants to see me take off Snivelly’s pants?”

“NOAAAAAAAAARGH!”

“Whoa, did you see that flip? Think we can make him do that again? How long do you think I can keep him spinning in the air?”

“Yuck, James, I’m getting sick just looking at that. Be careful he doesn’t puke all over us.”

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!? PUT THAT BOY DOWN IMMEDIATELY!”

“Eh… Professor!”

“Stand back! Severus Snape, can you stand?”

“…Where is my wand?”

“Come, let’s get you to the infirmary.”

“Where is my wand??”

“We’ll find your wand, don’t worry… ouch, boy! Where are you going? I said I would have got your wand for you, didn’t I? We need to have Pomfrey take a look at you!”

“I can take care of myself! Just leave me alone!”

“But…! …Oh well… You two! Come right over here! What were you two thinking about?!? Students from my own house. I’m ashamed.”

 

oooooooooooo

 

“Yeesssss…”

“Whoooo! Next! Who haven’t had a go yet? She’s still hot and fighting! Come on, gentlemen! Snape! Let’s see what you can do… She’s all yours.  
…Step closer. We’re all in this together. Or are you getting touchy-feely over a filthy mud bitch?  
…Yes, that’s the spirit!”

* _Avada Kedavra_ *

“What’s going on? What’s holding you back?”

“… Dammit. I think she just died.”

“Damn. Stupid bitch. I thought she was stronger. Well, we better get going then. You’ll get a chance next time.”

“…Yes.”

 

oooooooooooo

 

“But master Snape, sir, us elves is very careful with the laundry, sir, master should not do his own…”

“I’m telling you to leave my laundry alone! In fact, you will not go into my bedroom or my bathroom at all!”

“But master Snape, it is our job!”

“It is not your job to get into my private rooms. If I catch any of you nosing around, you’ll find yourselves wishing that I had given you clothes!”

“Clothes, sir!! Oh no, please sir, we is never nosing, house elves doesn’t nose, sir. We come only when sir is not here so we is no bother, and we doesn’t nose!”

“YOU DO NOT GO IN THERE! IS THAT UNDERSTOOD???”

“But…but…how will sir manage without his elves, sir? How can we take care of sir if we is not to go into his chambers?”

“Merlin… Listen, you do not go into my bedroom or bathroom. I will keep those in order myself. I will put the laundry I want done out in the front room for you. Will that be acceptable?”

“… I suppose so, sir.”

“… I will also… I will make you personally… What’s your name?”

“My name? Gubbi, sir!”

“Gubbi. Very well, Gubbi, I’ll make you personally responsible for my… boots.”

“Your _boots_ , sir??”

“Yes. You’ll see to it that they are polished every morning and well kept. I’ll put those in the front room as well.”

“Me, Gubbi? Why sir, you is too good to Gubbi, Gubbi doesn’t deserve…”

“Yes, yes – just remember, don’t go into the rest of my chambers!”

“Of course not, Master Snape, sir, never, sir!”

“Good. Get back to work.”

“Yes, Master Snape, sir!”

 

“And I thought I’d finally got out of the dormitories.”

 

oooooooooooooo

 

“Sirius…”

“Yes?”

“There’s something…”

“… Yes?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes?”

“Have you ever been… attracted to men?”

“Well, yes, I suppose. I’ve never actually been with any, but I guess you could say I had a few… crushes, or something, when we were young. I’m not in the closet or anything, I don’t think… Azkaban pretty much put a lid on everything. But yes, it happened that I felt attraction to men. Why do you ask?”

“I’ve just never given it any thought before.”

“And now you do?”

“I suppose so.”

“How come?”

“Merlin… I’m so confused. It’s never happened before… You know, it’s not that I have any objections to… gay people, it’s just that I never ever thought of myself that way. And here I am. Suddenly… “

“Wauw. Good thing you’re not married with children and just finding out now, huh?”

“It’s not like that! I haven’t found out anything! It’s just this one - person.”

“Oh. Well. Maybe you’re just having your crushes a little late. It’ll probably pass.”

“That’s what I thought. But it’s been, well. a long time now, and it’s not a crush anymore. I find that I care very much about… him. And it’s not passing.”

“It’s somebody you’re close to? Who is it? Are you seeing him?”

“No! No. I’m not seeing him. And it doesn’t matter who it is. Doesn’t matter. I’ll figure it out.”

“All right. I’ll be here if you want to talk. As you know. Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful on the man-man issue… Remus, it isn’t me, is it?”

 

oooooooooooooooo

 

“Snape.”

“What?”

“…”

“What?!”

“Did you want to say something?”

“And whatever would I need to address you about?”

“Well…nothing particular, I just noticed you were looking at me…”

“Pardon me if I have been a source of discomfort to you by sitting here, quietly lost in my own thoughts while we wait for instructions. To our indisputably mutual relief, I shall go upstairs to wait in private!”

“No – wait – Severus! – please don’t go…please!”

“… What are you doing?…Oh…Mmmph…”

“…I don’t know, Severus! I don’t know – I just know – I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ll leave now, I shouldn’t have – ah!”

“Shut up, Remus…”

“What are you – ah, Severus, yes, no, stop, – oooh, sweet – oh! Ah, Severus, I’m – I’m – aaaah…”

“… _Oh no_ …”

“Mmm? Severus? Come here, let me… what are you doing?”

“Shut up, Remus.”

“What?”

“SHUT UP!”

“But… where are you going?!”

“Leave me alone! Just… leave me alone. That was… That – won’t be mentioned. Ever. Again. Just… shut up.”

“Severus – Severus! …… Oh Severus, what’ll it take?”

 

oooooooooooo

 

“You stay here!”

“For Merlin’s sake, Snape, you need all the back-up you can get. This is it! I’m not staying here while you march off on your lonesome trying to give Harry his chance against Voldemort!”

“Don’t…! …Just don’t!”

“Please wait. At least wait for Dumbledore. You may just make things worse!”

“It can’t wait… And you stay here! Tell Dumbledore where I am.”

“Snape… Severus… You don’t have to do this. Alone. I’m coming with you. You’re trembling. Don’t pretend this isn’t serious!”

“Spare me! If you don’t let me go _right now_ , I’ll petrify you. _Stay here!_ ”

“I won’t…”

“Petrificus totalus!

Good bye… Remus. I… Good bye.”

 

ooooooooooo

 

“Please, Albus, let me get him ready, now. Let me clean him up before everybody else comes to say good bye. I’ll take good care of him. You can come back a little later. Go now.”

“… Yes, Poppy. Sometimes it’s a terrible thing to live to be this old.”

“I know. Go see Harry, now. He needs you more at this moment.”

 

“…Well, Severus, dear boy. I must be getting old too, I never thought I should see you to the end. Never thought I should see you in my care without you throwing a fit. I can’t believe I will actually miss that… Now, let’s get you out of this horrible costume and cleaned up. You just hated whenever I tried to take care of you. How can I do this to you now? It’s so wrong, so wrong, so _wrong_ … 

Bandages?…Did you go into battle with a chest wound?!? You stupid, stupid boy… Well, bandages won’t help you now. I’m just going to cut this off.

…Oh, were you wearing bandages because of _this_? Have you been hiding _these_ all the time? And under all those robes? Oh sweetheart, it’s not uncommon for men to develop… Though it’s unusual for someone as skinny as you.

I’ll get rid of the rest quick now. Don’t worry, I won’t leave you naked. I can clean you up while you’re under a sheet. Here goes the last…

Oh no. No no. Sweet Merlin… Oh no. How… This… Oh you poor, poor thing. What did we do…What did we do…

I promise you they will never know. Only peace for you, now. Brave…brave Severus.”

**Author's Note:**

> Asta: Female name, from old Norse, short for Astrid; 1st syllable old Norse, ‘(heathen) God’, 2nd syllable similar to old Norse, ‘beautiful’, in names possibly the older meaning, ‘beloved’.
> 
> Asta Nielsen: Danish silent movie actress, played the part of Hamlet in Sven Gade’s film of 1921.


End file.
